Posted in CG, lists

Sh*t People Say When You’ve Had a Baby

Firstly, before I start making a list, let’s talk about double talk. Ever since little CG was born, I’ve noticed it. When people talk to my baby, they repeat everything they say.  For example, and imagine this being said in a higher-than-normal voice register: “You’re a cute baby. Yes. You’re  a cute baby.”Orrrr, “Do you want your mama? You want your mama?” Almost everything that is said to baby, is said in double.

I brought this up to my boyfriend, CG’s father, when I heard him doing it, too.  I think I’ve given him a complex about it because now he speaks to our baby in triplicate or more… I think because he realized ‘shit she’s right’ and he isn’t going to be one of them. To be fair, I catch myself doing it, too.
Why do we do this?

1. She looks just like…

You think? I think people see what they want to see. If she hadn’t not left my sight from the moment of birth, I wouldn’t be completely convinced they handed me the right baby before we left the hospital. She shares features with no one. Boyfriend thinks she may have his family’s ears, but… We had to resort to her ears before we found any similarities. From a distance, she looks like she belongs in my family, but she is most definitely herself. Lucky duck. She’ll have a fighting chance at vanity.

2. Is she a good baby?

Huh?

How do I even measure this? Well, she doesn’t use swear words yet, but give her time, she’s only a few weeks old. I mean, she is a member of this family.
What does this question even mean? And what if I said ‘No she’s a little rascal.’ What do people expect me to say?
Of course she’s a good baby! She is the best baby! Every baby is.

3. Is she sleeping through the night?

Seriously? She was just born. No. Should she be?

4. Did you have her naturally?

People “love” it when I attempt to clarify the meaning of this question by asking, “Do you mean vaginally?” Yeah I went ahead and used the word ‘vagina’ for you. You are welcome. Yep, she came out the same way she went in since you were wondering. No, that’s not too personal, thanks! This question comes from women, so I can only assume they ask it so we can maybe compare birth notes or caesarian scars.

5. What’s it like having a girl?

I’m surprised to have been asked this as much as I have. I’ve had an only boy for 11 years now, and a baby girl for almost 5 weeks. She really isn’t any different than the average baby boy, except when it comes to cleaning the diaper area. Is it weird that I don’t find the different gender a big deal? Should I be more like, “Baby girls these days! It’s all makeup and tea parties!” Also, this question has come from parents of girls… Shouldn’t they know what it’s like having a girl? Or is this just small-talk, because I really don’t like small-talk.

 

I’m sure there will be more baby questions to answer as time goes on. My little one is only 5 weeks old and hasn’t even been visited by everyone yet.

But before I end, I want to bring up one more thing that parents do that I refuse to. Ever notice how some parents answer questions through their babies or small children? An example. Say someone asks me how old my baby is. I would respond “She is 5 weeks this Thursday.” Some other parents would respond in a higher register voice saying, “Say I’ll be 5 weeks this Thursday.”
This annoys the crap out of me. Just answer the question yourself. If I wanted your child to answer, I would have asked him or her… But I didn’t because I can see they’re too young to talk. And even if the kid is old enough to answer but too shy to answer… Just answer the question without telling your child what to say. We can see little Parker isn’t going to tell me himself, but don’t answer me by telling him what to say. I guarantee you aren’t helping your child learn how to converse with others by doing this.

Okay, I’m done ranting and raving!

-fin-

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